and now I don't know what to do...

Before my teacher told this to me (see post below), I was worried about what to do with my baby. I've looked at my schedule for next semester and it's packed with really long days. I'm already getting home really late as it is. I'm unable to spend time with the baby and unable to get all my homework done. So we were thinking about leaving her in Taiwan (she's not getting quality care here)... but I don't really want to leave her there! I wanted his mom to come here again and try it out. But there were some problems with that too.

But now I don't even care about that because it's more important that I pass first!!! If I don't pass, there would be no reason for my baby to stay in Taiwan...

Also, I already got the tuition bill for next semester. I'm not going to pay it until I find out if I make it to the next semester or not. It's so much money; more than I anticipated. And that's probably because every time a person gets dropped from the program (4 people so far), the tuition gets increased for those who are still in the program because the teachers need to get paid. Yes that's true.

Anyway, that's enough complaining for now.

I will NOT pass this semester...

...if I don't find someone who is harder to do. I need to find someone who is a 1, 2, or 3 in sub which means I need someone who has tartar below the gumline (6+ teeth). If I don't find such a patient, I'm out of the program (YES, my instructor said that during our 1-on-1 talk). All the patients I've had thus far are zero in sub.

And that's final. I'm worried because there are only a few weeks left of this semester.

HELP! otherwise I may not make it...

update

I'm back in school and definitely not enjoying it. I'm getting sick of routine and I hate being at school for long hours (at least 10-11 hrs per class/clinic day). Thus far, we've lost 4 people in the program. The only way I see myself failing is 1) patient cancellations and 2) not being able to find enough patients with certain criteria. I really hate that we have no control of other people's schedules--not that I expect to--but our grades are accountable and that can mean failing. And somehow, according to my teachers, it's not about our grades, but about providing comprehensive care. And the only way this is possible is if the person is able to come back again so that you can actually complete them. It's not fair; life's not fair.

This everyday routine is making me feel really spontaneous right now. I want my guitar that I left at home. Two reasons why: First, I want to play for my baby and second, relearn what I used to know, albeit it was not much. However, it would be enough to entertain my baby and introduce her to another instrument.

Fun!

I've been enjoying this time off with my baby at the park and at the pool.

developmental milestones

at 15 months my baby can:
• feed herself with hands
• attempt to use utensils unsuccessfully
• drink using a straw
• drink from a cup if I hold it
• hold a sippy cup by herself
• eats what we eat (food cut into small pieces)
• walk really well
• starting to run fast (only for a short distance)
• attempt to jump
• points to things and mumbles
• babble a lot
• will hand over something if you ask for it
• reads a book by herself (she'll flip through the pages and look at pictures)
• don't know if this is coincidence or not but imitates sounds when reading to her (moo moo, ruff ruff, dog, meow, baby, duck, panda, neigh)
• don't know if this is coincidence either but when reading to her she'll bring over the toy that I'm talking about (reading about a dog and she'll bring over the toy dog)

things she cannot do:
is not potty trained yet (next step!)
cannot communicate what she wants most of the time
brush teeth properly
and everything else

Summer break

It's so good to be on break right now. I'm really enjoying this much needed time off. It won't last long though; I still have summer school. I can't believe how fast time is flying by though. Spring semester is already over even though it doesn't feel like it started yet. I can't believe I already completed a year and only have another year to go!

Part One Summer:
Get my baby acquainted with other life forms (zoo animals, aquatic animals)

Second summer break:
visit Taiwan

Aww shucks!!

I was going to have my teeth professionally whitened by a second year student but it turns out I can't because I'm still nursing my baby. That's crazy but legit.

Maybe I can get it done next year by one of my fellow peers, that is if I'm not still nursing!

quick note re new year's resolution

I haven't been following my New Year's resolution at all. I'm already half through with the semester and nothing has changed except for keeping TV to a minimum. And that's only because I don't have time to watch TV anymore.

I'm not gaining weight, I'm not weaning my baby by summertime (currently bid AM and PM), and I'm not exercising either.

I did initially gain some weight but then lost it again. :( Still trying though!

Spring Break

Yes, I'm done with class right now! I can't believe this semester is already half over. School is so crazy; I don't even know how to explain it. I can't believe I'm just going in the mouth with tools and doing my thing. It's like I can't believe I'm actually doing this and knowing what I'm doing!
This semester, I already completed two patients in two appointments each and still have one patient pending who I should have finished in two appointments (I'll finish in the third appt). It's rare to complete patients in two appointments at my level (usually three, sometimes four), but I just feel very confident, maybe sometimes too confident for my own good.
After break, there will be eight more patient care days before I hit summer and go into summer school. I can't believe it... it's getting pretty intense. I will start seeing two patients a day, one day per week during the summer.

Almost there, about one year left and then I'm done!

Fridays are grueling

I used to look forward to Fridays only because it was the last day of school before the weekend hit. But now, I don't look forward to it much. I get out late and I'm nervous for half of the morning before I start my shift.
I wouldn't be surprised if I have a few ulcers at this age; it's probably all that stomach pain I've experienced while in clinic. Which oddly, seems to go away when my shift is done.
I feel like I need some anti-anxiety meds as well as something for a slight ADHD.

I'm just glad that today has come to an end.